There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Alive.
So much puke
I think your dad took our porno
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
