I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We smell like vodka and hangover
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
