found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
