every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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