dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
