To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A bitchslap is in order.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
