Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
