So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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