I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
