Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
