I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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