the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
