You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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