Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
