never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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