I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
