Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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