Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
