It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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