I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
