im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
