I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
