i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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