I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
