Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
false alarm. still invincible.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
