Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
