just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
