Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
