did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
