Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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