I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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