i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
