I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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