just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm passing your future prison.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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