i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
