trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your cock deserves a montage
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
