You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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