I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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