now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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