; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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