ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
