Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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