this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
