Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
