So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
