I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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