I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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