Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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