The best revenge is premature balding
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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