We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The best revenge is premature balding
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you had me at cake vodka
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
