Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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