wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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