Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
